I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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