"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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