how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
