True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
