he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
