She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
