I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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