i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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