it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
