this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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