Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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