dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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