so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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