Say something about gay babies.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
