I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
