I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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