I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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