I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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