So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
