I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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