you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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