I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
