I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
