i don't like sucking hair
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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