he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
