for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
