I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
