I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
