so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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