my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
