the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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