He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
