If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
