If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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