Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
