I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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