she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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