If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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