fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
