The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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