I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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