Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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