By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the day after is always just damage control
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
