I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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