Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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