whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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