I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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