i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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