I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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