I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
